Tag Archives: workinprogress

2020: Aims for the Year

I, once again, manifestly failed at 2019’s aims.

I mean, I sort of did do them… read more, yes, but at work. (LOTS more.) Reading at home? Um, not really, despite trying. Writing? Nope. Baking? I’ve been doing bits, but not much, and definitely haven’t got the macarons right yet. BAH.

Friendships? Actually, I feel I’ve done ok there. I’ve kept up many of them, despite obstacles, and the list of people that I’ve sent Christmas cards and presents too has felt good, even if I haven’t seen those people much. I’ve also made a bunch of new friends, or consolidated other friendships – so actually, that’s one success.

And adventure? Well, yes! It hasn’t been as dramatic as I would have liked, but I’ve been to Ireland, Italy, Scotland…

And I have grown; I have learned. I’ve found new paths. I’m still struggling to find the joy in it all, but that’s something I’m working on – I’m putting my roots down, and I’m hoping that they’re going to keep spreading.

What do I want to achieve in 2020?

Actually, I think I’ve only really got a couple* of things I want to work on.

1.Adventure

I’m hopefully (fingers crossed!) going to Canada in October, Belgium at Easter, and have various trips to London planned. I want to do a long weekend at least in Norway and Prague. I want to go to Wales and trundle round castles. I want to explore more of Oxford. I’m taking the long routes home!

2.Qualifications and Consolidation

In my work life, I want to get to SFEP Professional level: I’ve nearly got the hours for it, and I’m just doing more training credits. That would be really satisfying, although I definitely want to do it alongside more useful development for my job – every editing role is specialised, and so I want to keep working on my own development and needs.

In my personal life, I want to Get Shit Sorted. I want to sort out my finances, and also various accounts/passwords/will/pensions/forms/all that boring jazz that only becomes important if something goes drastically wrong. It’s tedious but it makes me happier to have it done!

3.Self-Care

This kind of fits in with the consolidation, but I want to spend more time just being. I want to sit with a cup of tea on the sofa and look out the window. I want to plan the garden and work on it. I want to take time to write cards and see my friends. I want to work on my courses and finish some projects and just let myself do the things I want to. I want to let my brain have time to recover, and let the grey recede, and start living again.

And hopefully, somewhere in all of that, I’ll be able to start reading, and start writing.

Somewhere, hopefully, there’s a story that I want to write.

So – here’s to 2020, a year of slow building and small joys.

 

*Ok, so there’s a story behind the “Foster Couple”. When you say “a couple” to me, I’ll bring you three. Or four. This is because my father is an engineer, and therefore if you bring him two screws, he’ll drop one or need three or they’ll be the wrong size and actually it’s just easier to bring more than he needs, and therefore it’s become a habit that if you want two, you say two. If you want a couple, you mean three or four.

This especially applies to donuts. Who actually wants two donuts when you could have more?

2019 & the Decade; A Review

I wasn’t entirely sure that I wanted to do this, because… well, 2011 to 2019 feels like it’s been a pretty shit decade for me.

Life events from 2011 to 2019But… actually, you know what? It hasn’t. In this decade, I’ve been a librarian, a web developer and a book witch, and I’ve now been an editor for a-year-and-a-half. I’ve read I-have-no-idea-how-many books, and I’ve written over fifteen books and numerous short stories. I’ve played and GM’d several RPG campaigns, and written ridiculous numbers of words in side-stories. I’ve added heaps of skills of my DIY toolbox, not least the incredibly useful one of knowing when NOT to drill into a wall. I’ve played a bunch of board games and want to play many more. I’ve crafted and sung and travelled. I’ve got my library degree. I’ve had some amazing commutes and lived in some lovely places. I saw friends get married and have kids, and I’ve got to see them grow. I’ve been to numerous cons, including WorldCon in Dublin. I’ve run my own business. I’ve loved and laughed and made an incredible number of friends.

In my personal life, I started the decade by getting married. I’m unfortunately ending the decade still married (yay for long divorce proceedings!) but it’s all looking hopeful for the New Year. And in the last year-and-a-bit, I’ve met my wonderful other half and moved into a house full of books (only some of which are my fault.)

And speaking of which, obviously this decade has involved books, books, conventions and more books.

Otter asked me how many books I’d read, and… well. I honestly wouldn’t even know where to start with a number! Let’s just go with “lots”.

Book Polishers advertI also started running my own business – Book Polishers has now been with me for two years, and I’m still trundling along with it. It sometimes feels annoying to work a full day and then come home and do the same, but it’s also a bundle of different subjects and people, with much more involvement in the actual book format – so it’s still something I enjoy!

On the writing front, I’ve published five and finished nine books in the Greensky Series, plus a number of short stories. I’ve published four short stories in the No Man’s series and have three books waiting for me to do something with them. Madcap Library is ongoing, and my random Dresden fanfic is up on Wattpad. I’ve also done NaNoWriMo and won twice! Beyond that, I have a pile of short stories and ideas that are waiting for me to get some inspiration again; it would be nice if writer’s block would let me go, but I’m content that I’ve done a lot of stuff this decade.

I’ve also been blogging here since 2014. WUT.

In more fluffy news, we had cats, cats, a daft lizard, and more cats (Frankie & Benny, Spike, Cashew, Peppermint, and Peter & Jodie)…

…and I’ve done all the DIY (by which I mean “caused general chaos”), all the crafting and all the baking.

And I’ve travelled.

I’ve also spent this decade with some downs; losing Ryan, losing my relationship and a house I loved, moving a lot and losing a lot of friendships… it hasn’t been fun in many ways. But it’s definitely been a lesson in trusting myself, trusting my gut, and also learning that I can live with my mental health problems – and that I am stronger than I thought I was. I’ve learned to take care of myself, and learned that doing it pays off. It’s actually been incredibly satisfying to be able to put my knowledge to use: to have friends talk to me about mental health and be able to give them good advice; to have my partner ask about a DIY thing and to know what to do; to be able to talk books and writing and craft, and be happy with my knowledge! I’ve still got so much to learn, but it feels like everything has been worth it so far.

It’s been an… interesting decade.

Here’s to the next!

Blog Writer’s Block?

I just… don’t know what to say.

If I think of a post, it’s either too complicated and difficult to articulate (politics), too personal (relationships), too sensitive (work), not happening (reading and writing) or just… not interesting.

And I don’t feel I have the attention span to be able to write anything. I can barely cope with a book for more than a couple of pages; trying to settle to write something here just feels like reaching through fog.

I’ve got more energy than I’ve had for a long time; I’m baking, sorting stuff in the house, bouncing around work, able to do more… and then I’m exhausted when I fall into bed, having really weird (and sometimes bad) dreams, and am finding it hard to settle to anything.

But I don’t want to stop, y’know? I managed this all the way through the last five years of depression and personal shit and job changes and the chaos of NaNoWriMo, so surely I should be able to cope now that I’m getting better?

I dunno. I might drop the post frequency down to twice a week, but… this was – is? – something I enjoy doing. I just need to get my ass in gear!

(Although for now, I have cakes to finish off… chocolate with blackberry jam and dark chocolate drizzles! Anyone at work may get lucky, assuming I haven’t eaten them all by 9am.)

Christmas Cookies

It’s nearly Christmas and I’m thinking about baking!

(It’s close enough to Christmas that I need to do test batches and think about ingredients and do more test batches and it’s near enough, ok?)

Heart-shaped cookies.I found a recipe recently for Norwegian Pepperkake, which sound fun! I’m not a huge fan of gingerbread but some of my family are, so I figure it’s worth a try. [Image via Life In Norway]

My traditional Christmas (and other times, as they’re super easy to make) cookie is Weihnachtsgebäck, which is a traditional German recipe. There’s a couple of different recipes online – this one looks pretty good, with lemon and jam! – but my one came via a slightly different route: via a German translation exercise about twenty years ago.

(Yes, it shows – it’s well-loved!)

German Cookies recipe

You can either use cinnamon or lemon, and they have a really nice, gentle flavour once cooked: I like that they’re soft and not too sweet. They’re also really easy to make and quick to cook, so they’re often my go-to for a next-day treat. The downside of that is that I do rather like them, so will sometimes just eat them before they go anywhere…

Image of Swirled cookiesAnyhow! They’re fun, easy, and when I mentioned them to my sister she said “oh yeah, the raw batter’s great on those!” so I might make them before I go to my parents…

Also, I found a recipe for Schwarz-Weiß Gebäck, which made me squeak! [Image via German-Way.com.] My sister used to make these, and they’re amazing – but I had lost the recipe! To find it again it amazing, and I am DEFINITELY making these over Christmas. There’s also a bunch of other recipes in this list from Taste of Home that I really want to try… so consider this your warning if you know me in real life: there may be baking happening!

Mini Kate update

I’ve been on anti-depressants for about six weeks now, and they’re definitely working – happy! Baking! Singing! Stuff!

But this last week has reminded me that it’s only six weeks, and brain chemistry often doesn’t work that fast… I have all the energy and want to do all the things but actually, I’m still really tired. I’m lacking motivation. I’m struggling to turn my brain off, and when I have a moment to just try to relax, the underlying anxiety makes me restless.

(As a side note, my partner did comment on my habit of always needing to do something, and wondered where that came from. I told them it would probably take a therapist to untangle that knot!)

From what I remember, the six months after starting anti-depressants are often the most dangerous – you’ve got the energy and feel better, but the underlying thoughts haven’t yet sorted themselves out. I’m not suicidal (thank goodness) but I do kinda understand where that danger is coming from – I’m feeling better, but also still bad. It’s a weird combination.

I have been baking; haven’t been reading. Have been getting out a bit more; haven’t been sleeping well. Have had more energy and felt up to tidying and people; have also crashed badly afterwards. I still find it hard to settle, even if I’m also playing games because my mind just won’t focus. It’s made work a bit more difficult but at least I can multi-task there, whereas I often find that difficult at home.

But (but!) I am coping better. We had a hectic and chaotic day at work last week where everything went wrong, and I was ok. I had a very stressful day yesterday with family, and I was ok. So that’s been good, if weird. (It’s a very odd feeling of wanting to cry to release stress, but not being able to. Yay drugs!)

So, overall: doing better. I need to keep remembering that I’m not well, keep conserving energy, and try not to overspend my spoons even though they’re better quality spoons.

Also, it’s Christmas soon! Wheee! I can sing carols round the house! (It’s ok, work people, I’m not going to be singing them round the office. I’m not that cruel.)