Tag Archives: random

Random thoughts from a week on anti-depressants

Very random thought: do I want to do NaNoWriMo? Have I even got anything to write? (Currently, no. but I’m not ruling it out.)

Books books books BOOKS books. (I may be reading Gideon The Ninth. EEEEEEEEEEEEH.)

Side-effects of anti-depressants so far:

  • Additional happiness. I’m boppy. Happy. Dancing. W.T.F.
  • Talking at triple speed, complete with lots of hand waving
  • Dizziness
  • Extra-hard crashes when I run out of food energy
  • Slight muscle aches – sort of like general tiredness, but like gravity’s extra heavy
  • Green poop (ok, that one might have been blue food colouring. Do you know it turns your poop green?)
  • BAKING. ALL OF THE BAKING. (My colleagues are very happy.)

Random thoughts on side effects:

So far, the worst side effect has actually been the fuzziness; I feel like I’m wrapped in cotton wool and having to wade through it to do anything, including think. My words are usually slightly absent (if you didn’t know, which I didn’t until a year ago, memory loss is a side effect of long-term depression – and it explains a lot about the way I can’t always think of words and don’t have a lot of long-term memories!) but they’ve been more absent than usual at the moment. No eloquent soliloquies for me! BAH.

The most painful side effect has been the crashes. I’m used to a fairly slow (a couple of hours) onset of “need to eat”, and at the moment it’s down to about an hour;  I can be fine, push through, and then WHOMP I’m into shaky territory, and it takes about an hour to pull myself back up even after I have eaten. It’s annoying, and I keep forgetting about it! DOUBLE BAH. Luckily I do always keep snacks around but it’s just frustrating (and painful.)

However – AUTUMN! Autumn is here! It’s been lovely to have golden sunshine and I adore chilly mornings; there’s something about breathing cold air when the sky’s bright blue and the sun’s shining through the trees that is lovely. Even the rain is good; I like hearing it splotting down. (Good word, splotting.) And we’ve put the extra thick duvet on the bed and it’s like sleeping under a pillow. It’s amazing.

Also: three o’clock is seriously the worst time of the day. It goes so slowly!

NAPS ROCK.

That is all.

Dealing With Stories That I Don’t Like

So, something I hadn’t entirely realised about this whole Being An Editor and Working In Publishing thing was that you have to deal with ALL the books that come across your plate. The Good, the Bad, and sometimes the Ugly.

(But, thankfully, we’re not talking about the Ugly today. That’s an entire ‘nother conversation.)

I’m incredibly blessed that both of the publishers I work for – Rebellion and Grimbold Books – pick Very Good Books, so the writing is excellent. The stories are good. The authors Know Their Shit.

But, because I’m not the Commissioning Editor and I don’t get to buy every book, sometimes I gotta read something that I don’t personally like.

*cough*horror*cough*

Or read a rather unsettling book *cough*Wanderers*cough* for the seventh time.

And – and this was the thing I hadn’t entirely grasped – because I’m a speed reader, I read them. I mean, usually if you don’t like a book – it’s not for you, a genre you don’t like, the writing’s terrible – you can put it down. But not if you’re copy-editing, then checking the format, then putting proof corrections in, then making the ebook and then checking that… that’s five reads alone, even without a submissions or edit read (and I’ll usually have read at least some of the submission.) And I do skim; I do pick up enough that I’m reading. And with an unsettling book (Wanderers) or one that’s horror enough to give me the creeps (naming no names, @premeesaurus) then it’s enough that I do get affected.

It’s actually enough of a problem that I’m starting to gain coping strategies – admittedly, they’re mostly a) taking a break, b) chocolate, and c) telling my colleagues that THEY ARE DEALING WITH THIS ONE BECAUSE JUST NO, but it’s a bit of an occupational hazard that I hadn’t really considered previously!

Maybe my boss will let me have a chocolate bonus in my paycheck…

A September 2019 Update

I’m an editor! I was previously a Junior Editor, and my boss has agreed that I have now learned enough to be allowed to advance to editor. It doesn’t absolve me of the responsibility of tempering the Commissioning Editors’ wild flights of fancy, though – usually involving dinosaurs, Romans or pirates… so if you see a theme in the next couple of years, you know what happened! I still feel pretty weird about it (imposter syndrome mixed with “I don’t deserve this” mixed with “I’m not doing well enough”) but… I’ll get used to it, I guess.

DIY! We built a shed and a garden picnic table cat seat, and put up shelves/more shelves/hanging rails/a mirror/different shelves, and put a whole bunch of stuff away… and I’m officially moved in with my partner now, as all my stuff* is over in another house! Still working on it feeling like my place, though. I think that’ll come with more time.**

Cats sitting on a picnic table

I’ve been challenged to step up my editorial game. It’s always a bit nerve-wracking when someone says “how can I improve?” and I have to find the answer, but this is improving on something that’s already good. So that’s going to be hard work, and tough because there’s no definite way to improve your editing game, but I want to do it.

I’m still feeling a bit grey, but doing better than I was. As my colleague put it, “you’ve got a bit more light in your eyes.” Plus I can pick stuff up (I get very tired when I’m not feeling well) and get out of bed, eat without feeling sick and actually feel again, so it’s still in that strange “wait, I have emotions?! And I can ENJOY food?” period. Hopefully I’ll carry on up for a bit.

On a cooking note, I made soup (I know, I know… but SOUP) and so it’s officially Autumn. It was some weird squash soup too, but it worked. (Butter. That’s the key.)

And something I’ve been listening to:

*books

** And books.