Tag Archives: random

A Few Degrees to the Left of the World

It feels like directions to fairyland… or to another way of thinking.

Just feeling super tired at the moment; from someone that could rarely sit down without a book/laptop/writing/craft/phone in her hands, I can now sit and do nothing for stretches of time. I can’t focus and struggle to work out what I need to do next. My emotions are someplace in the distance, happening but not actually affecting me. And mornings fucking SUCK.

On the plus side, I’ve come out of my latest down slump. Let’s hope I stay up for a bit longer this time!

Image from Kate Leth aka. Kate Or Die.

I'm so tired - I'm a few degrees to the left of the world - or maybe it's more like a fog - either way it's lonely

The Resistance: Small Acts of Kindness

My world’s on fire, how about yours? And no, I definitely don’t like it. I would much rather have boredom. (Earworm brought to you courtesy of Mr David Moore breaking into Smash Mouth at any and every opportunity.)

After the glorious fun that was the political fuckery of December, I had a long think, and then a bit of a thought-splurge on Twitter about what I could actually DO.

My overall conclusion? Be more kind.

(I’m still debating getting that as a tattoo.)

Off my list so far, I’ve subscribed to the Guardian, and also joined the Patreons of Strange Horizons, Clarkesworld, Uncanny Magazine, Locus and  Shoreline of Infinity. (If you’re into podcasts, by the way, I also highly recommend Breaking The Glass Slipper.) I’ve asked at work about payroll giving to donate to The Trussell Trust, Shelter and probably BookTrust (and I already donate to Tommy’s), and I’ve also asked about mental health first aid courses. I’m looking into Arts Emergency too, and the possibility of internships.

What else? I did Christmas cards for the neighbours, and I’m starting to get to know people. I want to do a crafty evening once a month, and get into the habit of buying a foodbank item when I shop. Beyond that, I’ve started to consolidate myself; sort out what I have and where I have it, and get myself onto a firmer footing for the next ten years. It’s going to be rough, so I want to know where I stand before we hit stormier waters.

(Yay.)

I also want to be better at being there for people this year; I always do find it hard as an introvert and someone with limited spoons, but I want to make sure I keep up with friends. I know I forgot things, so my calendar is going to get lots of new entries to remind me! I’ve already got a bundle of random cards to send out, and I want to pick up some odd little gifts in the sales that I can just post at random times. Beyond that, I need to make sure I actually keep in touch, too!

Everything else on the list is ongoing… but it feels good to have started it all! If the world’s going to try to make selfishness and hate a priority, then fuck that. I’m going to do my best to be kind.

And as a final thought:

I might not be able to make cool shit at the moment, but I can bloody well enable it. I’ve got the power to choose what I want to publish, and I’m damn well going to enable what I want to see in the world. Diversity, kindness and weirdness are the watchwords of 2020!

2020: Aims for the Year

I, once again, manifestly failed at 2019’s aims.

I mean, I sort of did do them… read more, yes, but at work. (LOTS more.) Reading at home? Um, not really, despite trying. Writing? Nope. Baking? I’ve been doing bits, but not much, and definitely haven’t got the macarons right yet. BAH.

Friendships? Actually, I feel I’ve done ok there. I’ve kept up many of them, despite obstacles, and the list of people that I’ve sent Christmas cards and presents too has felt good, even if I haven’t seen those people much. I’ve also made a bunch of new friends, or consolidated other friendships – so actually, that’s one success.

And adventure? Well, yes! It hasn’t been as dramatic as I would have liked, but I’ve been to Ireland, Italy, Scotland…

And I have grown; I have learned. I’ve found new paths. I’m still struggling to find the joy in it all, but that’s something I’m working on – I’m putting my roots down, and I’m hoping that they’re going to keep spreading.

What do I want to achieve in 2020?

Actually, I think I’ve only really got a couple* of things I want to work on.

1.Adventure

I’m hopefully (fingers crossed!) going to Canada in October, Belgium at Easter, and have various trips to London planned. I want to do a long weekend at least in Norway and Prague. I want to go to Wales and trundle round castles. I want to explore more of Oxford. I’m taking the long routes home!

2.Qualifications and Consolidation

In my work life, I want to get to SFEP Professional level: I’ve nearly got the hours for it, and I’m just doing more training credits. That would be really satisfying, although I definitely want to do it alongside more useful development for my job – every editing role is specialised, and so I want to keep working on my own development and needs.

In my personal life, I want to Get Shit Sorted. I want to sort out my finances, and also various accounts/passwords/will/pensions/forms/all that boring jazz that only becomes important if something goes drastically wrong. It’s tedious but it makes me happier to have it done!

3.Self-Care

This kind of fits in with the consolidation, but I want to spend more time just being. I want to sit with a cup of tea on the sofa and look out the window. I want to plan the garden and work on it. I want to take time to write cards and see my friends. I want to work on my courses and finish some projects and just let myself do the things I want to. I want to let my brain have time to recover, and let the grey recede, and start living again.

And hopefully, somewhere in all of that, I’ll be able to start reading, and start writing.

Somewhere, hopefully, there’s a story that I want to write.

So – here’s to 2020, a year of slow building and small joys.

 

*Ok, so there’s a story behind the “Foster Couple”. When you say “a couple” to me, I’ll bring you three. Or four. This is because my father is an engineer, and therefore if you bring him two screws, he’ll drop one or need three or they’ll be the wrong size and actually it’s just easier to bring more than he needs, and therefore it’s become a habit that if you want two, you say two. If you want a couple, you mean three or four.

This especially applies to donuts. Who actually wants two donuts when you could have more?