Tag Archives: personal

5 Happy Things: January 2019

I’ve been feeling pretty down over the past week (mostly due to feeling ill…) so let’s do some happy stuff. What’s been good in January?

1. Talking to writers

My talk with Chalk Writers was great! They were all super interesting and it was very cool to be able to talk through the editing process, along with answering questions about first lines, first chapters, blurbs, hiring an editor, and everything in between! I managed to keep my cough under control for two hours too, which was great. Big thanks to everyone for being so welcoming and lovely!

2. A lovely gift

I got sent a beautiful brooch from a friend – it’s from Kittiwake Designs, and it’s a design that has a lot of meaning for both of us.  The brooch itself is a lovely piece, and I’m very honoured to have got it as a gift from this person! There have been some mixed emotions around it, but it’s been something I’ve been able to work through – which in itself has been a happy thing.

3. Duelling the Weasels

Aka. self-reflection, and being able to talk about things!  It’s something that I’ve been determined to improve, and my partner is entirely on board with it – and it’s been a wonderful, difficult, hopeful journey so far. Being able to talk about anything has helped with communication generally, but it’s also really helped with the Weasels; if I can identify an emotion, or why I’m feeling something, then we can work on fixing it! And usually, for the Weasels, it’s a previous experience, or a tangle of things, or just something my brain has decided – but it helps so much to be able to say, “This is what I’m feeling, and this is why.”

4. Reading

I’ve started editing my favourite book at work, and we’ve had a beautiful cover for an older favourite come in! I’m really looking forward to sharing them both.

I’ve also managed to do more personal reading, and I’ve been offered an ARC for a sequel that I’m really looking forward to! I’m also aiming to get through more of my personal editing list soon…

5. Being Proud of Everyone Around Me

Image from EMM.

Fox: whether or not you realise it, you're amazing. I'm proud of you.

 

A Kate Update

I’m not doing too well at the moment. I got flu last week, and had three days off work (over a weekend, as well, so ended up being ill for about five days). A week later and I’m now off again as the lingering cough has developed into a full-blown raw throat and hurting chest, plus a mild bout of food poisoning yesterday, plus nightmares that mean I’m not sleeping well. My partner’s been ridiculously sweet about looking after me, but there’s only so much you can do when everything just needs to work itself through.

Fuck this I'm going back to bedMy mental state isn’t the best either. I know that I should be feeling really happy – I have a wonderful partner, a place of my own, a job I love – but everything’s feeling pretty overwhelming. I know that it’s mostly just brain weasels and depression talking; the point when I start thinking that I “should” be happy is usually the point that I know it’s not entirely me talking. But it’s also really hard to cope when I feel like my list is growing, and it all feels incredibly endless.

(…sort a plumber for getting the dishwasher out, and then sort them coming back to replace a part – and get the dishwasher fixed or replaced. Paint the shelves, and then again, and then sand and paint again. Email a solicitor about some niggly divorce financial stuff and then understand the answers – which I am seriously struggling with – and then have to do paperwork which is a task in itself, as printing and getting ID documents sorted and sending them is apparently a multi-day job. Get my boots fixed (again). Finish a formatting job for a client and then do six lots of corrections and then do the ebooks. Start another formatting job plus email a quote back to someone else. Sort a vet checkup for the cats, which involves ringing them as none of them put fees on their websites. Sort the council tax, which is in the wrong name and is somehow very confusing for them. Read five books for friends and give feedback. Think about the Grimbold Patreon because that’s getting urgent. Worry about my laptop screen not working in certain positions which means it’s going to fail soon, and have I backed everything that I need up recently? And this is on top of go to work, sort food, write blog posts, tell my partner I love them (not that that’s ever a chore), be nice to the cats, see friends, see family, email my Aunt, text my Dad about the latest thing he’s worrying about (although that was actually a new table he’s got, so that’s nice), work out which hug gif I haven’t used recently for my friend, book dinner with Badger, remember to ask another friend about their medical procedure, remind Otter that we’re baking eclairs and blues dancing sometime soon…)

I think one of the things that always gets to me is that it never stops. My task list will never be done; it’s quieter now than it has been due to my deliberately trying to throw some things out, but there’s always things. There’s always so many “shoulds” even on top of the task list – I should write more. I should see more friends, appreciate the people in my life more. I should read more. I should take more time for me. I should find space to improve myself or do more things that I want to do. I should be better at using my time than I am… I know it’s a familiar thing for a lot of people, and it’s something that won’t ever stop. I’m being whiny and silly. I do like being busy, I like having tasks – and I do this to myself! I could stop. I could just…say no. Stop doing it. This business and the subsequent tiredness is on me. It’s my own damn fault, and I shouldn’t whine.

But there’s reasons to do all of it. Some of it is shoulds. Some of it simply needs to be done. Some of it is for other people, for friends, for family. Some of it is expectations. Some of it is just because I don’t want to throw away a year’s hard work (the formatting) or 5 years hard work (the blog) or X years hard work (the writing). And some of it is because I do honestly want to do it.

cosy christmas with a book

I’m just very, very tired right now, and a lot of the tiredness is because there isn’t help available. I’ve asked for what I can; and now the only person who can do the rest of it is me. I just need to get on with it.

Anyway! I am going to be ok. I have a cup of tea, some sunshine, a fantastic sofa, and hugs promised this evening. I’m slowly doing what I can. One thing at a time, and I’ll be fine.

A Crafty Update: Spring 2019

I otterley adore you samplerI’ve completed a few crafty things recently;  a birthday present for my partner consisting of a series of puns (sheep and ducks were involved; a tea-cat was considered and rejected, as was a bread pun.) My favourite of the three was this “I otterly adore you” design from RingCat – yes, I know it’s cheesy, but they liked it! (I did reject an owl pun too. Cute, but predictable.)

I’ve also managed to fix my leather satchel, which was a fun exercise in finger-pricking until I remembered my awl… and I have mended a sock. GO ME! (Seriously. Any mending is good mending.)

In 900 years of space and time, I've never met anyone who wasn't importantIn-progress, I’ve got a sampler for a friend’s toddler who loves bears and trains – so I’m doing his name with boxes surrounding it, which are going to be filled with Paddington, Pooh, two other bears (currently undecided) and a selection of trains. I’m also working on a Dr Who cushion cover – I got the design from GlueyBluey – which I really love.

And I have an idea in the works; I recently used the “Behold the field in which I sow my fucks; for it is barren” line on Otter, who promptly cracked up – therefore I think a sarky cross-stitch sampler is next on the list! Possibly a design from A Curious Twist or Basic Bitch Stitch – both NSFW – or maybe just something out of my brain, because that’s usually a sarcastic winner 😀

Still Glowin’

I’ve been struck down with flu for the last few days, hence no post on Friday – although that was partly because I’d been forcibly parted from my laptop, which seems to also be the only way to stop me working! I’ve managed to get some of my TBR list a few pages on, and otherwise have spent my weekend on a sofa. I’m approaching normal again though, so we’re all still crowin’ here.

Have some pretty pics from a cold morning walk across the watermeadows last week.