I’ve been on anti-depressants for about six weeks now, and they’re definitely working – happy! Baking! Singing! Stuff!
But this last week has reminded me that it’s only six weeks, and brain chemistry often doesn’t work that fast… I have all the energy and want to do all the things but actually, I’m still really tired. I’m lacking motivation. I’m struggling to turn my brain off, and when I have a moment to just try to relax, the underlying anxiety makes me restless.
(As a side note, my partner did comment on my habit of always needing to do something, and wondered where that came from. I told them it would probably take a therapist to untangle that knot!)
From what I remember, the six months after starting anti-depressants are often the most dangerous – you’ve got the energy and feel better, but the underlying thoughts haven’t yet sorted themselves out. I’m not suicidal (thank goodness) but I do kinda understand where that danger is coming from – I’m feeling better, but also still bad. It’s a weird combination.
I have been baking; haven’t been reading. Have been getting out a bit more; haven’t been sleeping well. Have had more energy and felt up to tidying and people; have also crashed badly afterwards. I still find it hard to settle, even if I’m also playing games because my mind just won’t focus. It’s made work a bit more difficult but at least I can multi-task there, whereas I often find that difficult at home.
But (but!) I am coping better. We had a hectic and chaotic day at work last week where everything went wrong, and I was ok. I had a very stressful day yesterday with family, and I was ok. So that’s been good, if weird. (It’s a very odd feeling of wanting to cry to release stress, but not being able to. Yay drugs!)
So, overall: doing better. I need to keep remembering that I’m not well, keep conserving energy, and try not to overspend my spoons even though they’re better quality spoons.
Also, it’s Christmas soon! Wheee! I can sing carols round the house! (It’s ok, work people, I’m not going to be singing them round the office. I’m not that cruel.)