Pisces poem from Danielle Doby‘s book ‘i am her tribe’
I’m just back from a holiday in Rome – although actually, I didn’t see much of Rome itself! We stayed near the Forum, but went to Ostia Antica one day, and Pompeii (via Vesuvius) the second day – and then that was it!
I’ve already geeked out at Otter about the classical things (poor Otter…although they’re thoroughly used to it by now!) so you’re spared the overdose of comments – but both places were very interesting, if hot. Ostia Antica was busy but once we got through the entrance, actually very quiet; and Pompeii wasn’t too bad, although we were one of the tourist groups cluttering the ruins! I want to go back to both with additional time to spare, and maybe spend a day or two just wandering.
Both places were also very eerie, and so so interesting – it’s really nice to be able to see more than just a floor plan! Most of the buildings would have gone to a second or third story at least, and I loved being able to see the shop-fronts. The plaster and marble coatings were also fabulous – and so bright!
Vesuvius was fun (har har…but at least my travel companion didn’t push me in, so that’s a benefit!) and wandering around Rome on the first evening was nice; we ambled over to the Forum and Colosseum, and I got to geek out a little over that. Hopefully if I go again I’ll be able to spend some more time there!
We also ate So. Much. Pizza, and possibly quite a lot of gelato. It was AMAZING. #holidaywins
Back in sunny ol’ England now (it SNOWED? SERIOUSLY?!) and staring at my pile of work… but I did get some reading done on the flights at least!
I know there are seven stages of grief, but are there equivalent stages of happiness?
When I first moved to Oxford, it felt like golden bubbles rising in my chest; a happiness that swallowed everything when it exploded, and I could always feel it simmering.
Then an Autumn; partly being on some medication that made everything dark, but partly also everything settling – the knowledge that yes, I was here, and I hadn’t screwed it up immediately – so everything could grow, and settle; but I was also aware of how shallow my roots were, and how small my branches. I was growing, but not yet rooted.
I feel grey. Disassociated. Not caring, unable to process; I’m putting down roots, seeing just how far they are spreading, but the earth over them feels so shallow. It’s all going to be taken away again, and I’m just waiting for that to happen. Waiting for the hand to lift me out and tell me that I have to start again somewhere else; waiting for the earth around me to scorch. Waiting for another start and another set of memories to live with.
I feel resigned to loss, although I’m not sure anyone ever gets totally used to it; so many things have moved or changed or gone in the last few years that I think it’s all caught up, and I don’t have any expectation of longevity.
But then I don’t think anyone really can, either; everything always changes. So it also seems normal.
I hope there is a next stage of happiness – acceptance? The blending of sheer joy with the cut that says everything does end, and move on, and change. The sweet scent and bitter taste of a memory, because it will only happen once. The knowledge that this is only a life lived once, and we can only live the best one we can.
A brief Kate update; the missed blog post on Wednesday was because my partner went into hospital on Tuesday, and I ended up spending 12 hours there before I got kicked out (at the end of visiting hours, not because I’d offended a nurse – they’re scary!) My partner is now back home and recovering well, and everything’s settling back into routine – but definitely a stressful week!
I did get out to see The Rocky Horror Show live on Friday, though, which was fantastic! Really enjoyed that – and it was as ridiculous as I’d been led to expect, which was fabulous.
Anyhow, spring! It’s been really pretty, and I’ve been enjoying the sunshine 🙂