Well, I was burnt out! It took a couple of hard months at work and then flu to make me actually stop… I still feel exhausted but I have a bit more life and energy in me, and I actually have the energy to blog again!
The pills are also still helping, but have also been very weird; I do feel as if they’ve stripped the fog and left me with the depression! It feels like all my emotions are under glass – I can see them but not access them. Surface stuff is fine, but… I dunno. Very odd. We’ll see what the next couple of months brings, anyhow.
But for now, I’m trying to get back into things again, and make myself work.
So what’s been happy in December?
Carrot & apple cake, blueberry muffins, veggie roast dinner, cookies (I managed Weihnachtsgebäck but nothing else yet, courtesy of a week on the sofa with flu), banana pancakes, soups… it’s been a good holiday for just puttering around in the kitchen.
I hung fairy lights across our room and then put up 24 envelopes for my partner, and now that they’ve opened them all, I can tell you what was in them! Each had two photos in; about half were photos from the past year of us, cats, events, more cats, places… but the other half were either silly quotes or random images that I’ve been collecting over the years. They come from all over – mostly Tumblr! – so I haven’t linked them, I’m afraid.
It was a lot of fun to choose which ones I wanted to go in, and all of them made my partner laugh, smile or hug me – so it was definitely a very fun (and cheap!) thing to do. I’ve already got ideas for next year too!
We’ve painted some more of the house, and it’s BLUE! We also got a new carpet, put up new (to us) curtains, sorted out a pile of boxes and books… it’s starting to feel more like a home now.
Of course, there are more books still to come, courtesy of a certain bookworm. And you can never have enough books!
I like Christmas because it gives me an excuse to be nice to people, and it’s been a fun holiday. In addition to the advent calendar for my partner, I had fun getting them random gifts (including several things that were a “oh, I wanted one of those!” which is always satisfying) and got to do some fun presents for friends. I also did a present for our cleaners at work which was well received (seriously, why do people not thank the people who spend their time cleaning our desks?!) and did cards for our street, plus spent some time with some of our neighbours (including downstairs when she lost her key!)
We also had a lot of fun with our editorial Christmas card this year, and it’s been creating a few happy waves on Twitter, which has been nice – yes, ok, we’re geeks. We know.
I’ve been trying to focus on the small things this month: a warm mug of tea and a moment to look out of the window, watching the red kite go over. The smell of cookies baking, and a chocolate coin teased from its wrapper. A favourite tree ornament and a favourite carol. New socks, and a warm winter coat. A song I’d forgotten, and time with family.
It feels like the world is slowly tipping over into hurt and grey and miserable-ness, so it’s the small happy things that are keeping me going from day to day.