Tag: failingtowrite

A Life Update: 2023 Hiatus

~~ Please note: this blog is on hiatus from 2023, and this site will not be updated regularly. If you do need to contact me, please do so at editor [at] writingandcoe [dot] co [dot] uk. ~~

So 2022 involved moving house, getting a new (unexpectedly stressful!) job, saying goodbye to two feline friends and hello to a new one, and generally coping with… well, everything *looks around at the world* which frankly is something of an achievement for everyone, I feel.

My burnout has reduced down to manageable levels, and thanks to some wonderful anti-depressants, I’m mostly functioning. But I can’t face getting back into the SFF world; I have been struggling to read much of the genre, and I don’t want to deal with conventions, or talking to people, or trying to figure out where I fit in a space that I once loved. I’m not seeing much progress on getting my writing back either, which frankly sucks – I miss it! And I haven’t been able to find much joy in life to share; I’ve been doing a bit of crafting and travelling and reading, and the house has been fun to work on, and the cats are cute, but I just can’t find the energy to talk about it all.

I’m semi-officially shelving the GreenSky series, at least until I figure out what I want to do with it. Books 1-6 are available; Books 7, 8 & 9 are finished and ready to print, but after waiting five years for covers, I’ve reached zero fucks on that front. And Book 10 has got a plan in place for finishing it, but I don’t have the words; so that will most likely stay half-finished. So – series shelved, for now. And I can’t face trying to get the Ghost stories published; the protagonist is trans* and I’m not and I just can’t face the scrutiny and hate that would come with the book not being own-voices. Plus the idea of trying to query agents, or figure out self-publishing and marketing, is just too much to handle. So, again, shelved.

Therefore: a hiatus here, until (if? when?) my writing and crafting and actual ability to Do Stuff And Then Write About It comes back. I’m leaving everything up, though, so please do feel free to read the short stories and buy whatever books are available and generally poke through the resources.

Thank you to everyone for reading, and if you do need to contact me, please do so at editor [at] writingandcoe [dot] co [dot] uk.

Writing Writing & Writing

WURDS!! There are things! With WURDS! All of the things!

The first Thing is a short story, just from a random idea that I had while standing in the kitchen (also when you ask a writer “so where do you get your ideas?”… I get mine while stirring pasta, apparently.) It’s currently at 3000 words and I’m just mulling over where I want it to go; my original ending idea was a mild twist but it seems to be taking a slightly darker turn, and I may do some world-rewriting to fit that in. It’s a silly and fun and off the top of my head, and I AM WRITING AGAIN!! (Also, it includes necromancers. What is it with me and necromancers? …And cake. Same question.)

The second is that I have had my editorial letter for No Man’s Land (which has hopefully fairly permanently been renamed Every Ghostly Scar) back from the amazing Rebecca Brewer and I am just SO HAPPY. It’s always hard to read an editorial letter, but I knew the book needed work, and it’s so good to see someone else rip it to bits – but also so gratifying to see that it actually only needs a bit of work on the characters, a couple of scenes added/deleted, a couple of threads tidying up… the book and story overall seem to be in good shape, which is such a relief. I do love the book so much, and it’s so good to hear from someone impartial that they liked it too! So I’m going to take a day or two for mulling that over, maybe have a further chat with Rebecca about how to do some of the things (and also what needs to be done, because some of the ambiguity that she picked up on is deliberate, and I want to know how annoying that is) and then get working!

I’ve also been thinking about another project for a while, based on a rewriting of a children’s book – I’m not going to say more than that currently! But I’ve finally bought myself a paper copy of said children’s book so that I can scribble all over it and see if the idea has any legs.

And finally on the writing front, I’ve been playing with redesigning covers for the GreenSky series – I’m doing some more text-based ones, just to see if they work. They all need more work (I’m adding backgrounds at the moment) and I think it’s going to be a long-term project, but it’s something to keep me playing anyhow!

I’m aware that I’m still feeling broken, and that my writer’s block is still definitely there – so I’m taking everything cautiously, and don’t dare yet plunge into the morass of my unfinished stories. But TEH WURDS! They are back!

2020: Aims for the Year

I, once again, manifestly failed at 2019’s aims.

I mean, I sort of did do them… read more, yes, but at work. (LOTS more.) Reading at home? Um, not really, despite trying. Writing? Nope. Baking? I’ve been doing bits, but not much, and definitely haven’t got the macarons right yet. BAH.

Friendships? Actually, I feel I’ve done ok there. I’ve kept up many of them, despite obstacles, and the list of people that I’ve sent Christmas cards and presents too has felt good, even if I haven’t seen those people much. I’ve also made a bunch of new friends, or consolidated other friendships – so actually, that’s one success.

And adventure? Well, yes! It hasn’t been as dramatic as I would have liked, but I’ve been to Ireland, Italy, Scotland…

And I have grown; I have learned. I’ve found new paths. I’m still struggling to find the joy in it all, but that’s something I’m working on – I’m putting my roots down, and I’m hoping that they’re going to keep spreading.

What do I want to achieve in 2020?

Actually, I think I’ve only really got a couple* of things I want to work on.

1.Adventure

I’m hopefully (fingers crossed!) going to Canada in October, Belgium at Easter, and have various trips to London planned. I want to do a long weekend at least in Norway and Prague. I want to go to Wales and trundle round castles. I want to explore more of Oxford. I’m taking the long routes home!

2.Qualifications and Consolidation

In my work life, I want to get to SFEP Professional level: I’ve nearly got the hours for it, and I’m just doing more training credits. That would be really satisfying, although I definitely want to do it alongside more useful development for my job – every editing role is specialised, and so I want to keep working on my own development and needs.

In my personal life, I want to Get Shit Sorted. I want to sort out my finances, and also various accounts/passwords/will/pensions/forms/all that boring jazz that only becomes important if something goes drastically wrong. It’s tedious but it makes me happier to have it done!

3.Self-Care

This kind of fits in with the consolidation, but I want to spend more time just being. I want to sit with a cup of tea on the sofa and look out the window. I want to plan the garden and work on it. I want to take time to write cards and see my friends. I want to work on my courses and finish some projects and just let myself do the things I want to. I want to let my brain have time to recover, and let the grey recede, and start living again.

And hopefully, somewhere in all of that, I’ll be able to start reading, and start writing.

Somewhere, hopefully, there’s a story that I want to write.

So – here’s to 2020, a year of slow building and small joys.

 

*Ok, so there’s a story behind the “Foster Couple”. When you say “a couple” to me, I’ll bring you three. Or four. This is because my father is an engineer, and therefore if you bring him two screws, he’ll drop one or need three or they’ll be the wrong size and actually it’s just easier to bring more than he needs, and therefore it’s become a habit that if you want two, you say two. If you want a couple, you mean three or four.

This especially applies to donuts. Who actually wants two donuts when you could have more?

Blog Writer’s Block?

I just… don’t know what to say.

If I think of a post, it’s either too complicated and difficult to articulate (politics), too personal (relationships), too sensitive (work), not happening (reading and writing) or just… not interesting.

And I don’t feel I have the attention span to be able to write anything. I can barely cope with a book for more than a couple of pages; trying to settle to write something here just feels like reaching through fog.

I’ve got more energy than I’ve had for a long time; I’m baking, sorting stuff in the house, bouncing around work, able to do more… and then I’m exhausted when I fall into bed, having really weird (and sometimes bad) dreams, and am finding it hard to settle to anything.

But I don’t want to stop, y’know? I managed this all the way through the last five years of depression and personal shit and job changes and the chaos of NaNoWriMo, so surely I should be able to cope now that I’m getting better?

I dunno. I might drop the post frequency down to twice a week, but… this was – is? – something I enjoy doing. I just need to get my ass in gear!

(Although for now, I have cakes to finish off… chocolate with blackberry jam and dark chocolate drizzles! Anyone at work may get lucky, assuming I haven’t eaten them all by 9am.)