About ten years ago I kept spotting the word “demisexual” cropping up on the interwebs, and looked it up.
And you know when you get one of those “wait, that’s ME. That explains SO MUCH.”
(By the way, if you’ve never had one of those, that’s just because most of society is coded to you. Spare a thought for those who do go through life wondering why they are slightly the wrong shape, or how anyone can actually enjoy sitting in the sun, as my Aunt says.)
Demisexual just means you need an emotional connection to someone before you’re attracted to them. It means you’re more often friends with someone first, and turn it into a relationship once you realise you have a deeper attraction. It means you can often appreciate that someone is good-looking, but can’t understand how someone could just jump into bed with them. (I never understand one-night stands. Just… to me they’re a bit ick. How?!) It means you don’t often have the honeymoon stage, because it happens more slowly. Apparently it’s also sometimes put into the asexual category? I’m not sure what to think of that.
(I also admit wanted “demisexual” to be something to do with demi-gods, as that would be cool, but it’s not.)
And – for anyone who read the article, you’re not weird. It’s just not the standard attraction mechanism that’s shown in films, books, TV; it’s not The Way Things Are. But just because it’s not in the standard narrative doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
As a friend commented when they researched the term; “It made me cry when I first read [the article] because it described the experience of a lifetime to me that I thought no-one else could relate to.”
So there you are. Another piece of interesting stuff for a Friday!