Mini Kate update

I’ve been on anti-depressants for about six weeks now, and they’re definitely working – happy! Baking! Singing! Stuff!

But this last week has reminded me that it’s only six weeks, and brain chemistry often doesn’t work that fast… I have all the energy and want to do all the things but actually, I’m still really tired. I’m lacking motivation. I’m struggling to turn my brain off, and when I have a moment to just try to relax, the underlying anxiety makes me restless.

(As a side note, my partner did comment on my habit of always needing to do something, and wondered where that came from. I told them it would probably take a therapist to untangle that knot!)

From what I remember, the six months after starting anti-depressants are often the most dangerous – you’ve got the energy and feel better, but the underlying thoughts haven’t yet sorted themselves out. I’m not suicidal (thank goodness) but I do kinda understand where that danger is coming from – I’m feeling better, but also still bad. It’s a weird combination.

I have been baking; haven’t been reading. Have been getting out a bit more; haven’t been sleeping well. Have had more energy and felt up to tidying and people; have also crashed badly afterwards. I still find it hard to settle, even if I’m also playing games because my mind just won’t focus. It’s made work a bit more difficult but at least I can multi-task there, whereas I often find that difficult at home.

But (but!) I am coping better. We had a hectic and chaotic day at work last week where everything went wrong, and I was ok. I had a very stressful day yesterday with family, and I was ok. So that’s been good, if weird. (It’s a very odd feeling of wanting to cry to release stress, but not being able to. Yay drugs!)

So, overall: doing better. I need to keep remembering that I’m not well, keep conserving energy, and try not to overspend my spoons even though they’re better quality spoons.

Also, it’s Christmas soon! Wheee! I can sing carols round the house! (It’s ok, work people, I’m not going to be singing them round the office. I’m not that cruel.)

Author: kate

Kate Coe is an editor, book reviewer and writer of fiction & fantasy. She writes the sparkpunk GreenSky series and blogs at writingandcoe.co.uk. When she's not working, she fills her spare time in between writing with web design, gaming, geeky cross-stitch and DIY (which may or may not involve destroying things). She also reads far fewer books that she would like to, but possibly more than she really has time for.