Work: buying books. Doing contracts. I’ve come so far in two years with contracts – I had a panic attack the first time I tried to do one, and now… well, they’re still hard, and I still get overwhelmed, but it’s easier. And yet it still seems like I have so far to go!
That said, it gets me awesome books – Anna and Saint Death’s Daughter are two recent ones. Waiting to be able to share a whole bunch more news with you all! (I’ll do a general update soon.)
I’m managing to work from home, just about; I’m doing about two major tasks a day (and consider that my at-work rate is closer to five…) but I figure that if that’s what I’m getting done, then that’s what I’m getting done. I’m going slow, steady, and trying to prioritise what’s actually important right now.
Home: doing ok with being stuck indoors. Been getting out and doing more on the garden fence; went down to the shop yesterday; been scritching Bobble and enjoying his company as he sleeps on a box next to me. Knowing cats, I’m sure he’d prefer it if he could sleep in the box, but it’s currently full of crafting stuff. So tough luck, kitty. He’s accepting lap scritches now though!
Me: not great. Bad dreams. Very tired (been napping every lunchtime.) Big ups and downs; I’m either rising towards manic or sliding towards crashed, with very few level bits. The anti-depressants are in many ways masking the feelings; they simply block them off, rather than removing them – so I figure that if these are the ones that are getting through, I’d be in a much worse state if I wasn’t on meds! I’m very grateful that I have some to at least let me function, even if I’m still having ups and downs. It’s still a struggle some days (and nights), but I have coping mechanisms.
I’m still not managing to read, either. I’ve got so many good books on my stack, and I just can’t focus on them for more than a few pages. Work ones are slightly better as I have permission to skim, but even then… it’s really annoying! I could do with being in another world! Definitely can’t write, that just feels completely blocked. Hey ho. Still hoping it will come back.
But generally: ok. Buying presents for people (gin! Chocolate eggs! Mini figurines! Why are there so many birthdays in April?!). Drinking tea. Scritching Bobble. Getting through work, getting through small house chores, and just trying to enjoy the peace.