Imposter Syndrome, with added Imposter

I’m buying books.

Who let me get at the department’s budget?! I mean, I have to convince my boss first (which usually consists of me being enthusiastic at him, and not using the words “steampunk” or “fairy”)-

-which, on a side note, feels like an even worse method of buying things than anything else: I like it, therefore we need it-

I mean, who am I fooling? I should be doing Serious Market Research and throwing TCM figures around and looking at Amazon stats. Instead, I’m going “well, I really liked it and therefore I want to throw it out into the world in the hope that other people like it too.”

Ok, maybe that isn’t such a bad method of choosing books.

But then I have to negotiate for books. And then hopefully buy them.

I mean, that feels like an even worse method of doing anything. Someone’s letting me loose with a whole bunch of money and I’ve got to go ask an agent how much I have to give them to let me publish a really really good story all over the place, or maybe just in one or two places. I want to print pretty books, anyhow.

And then there’s a whole bunch of tedious detail, but I can’t have everything my way.

I just feel like…I need more experience. Or age. Or knowledge. Or just… it shouldn’t be ME.

Who let me do this?!

But I bought a really good book! It’s Jane Austen with magic (ok, there’s a lot more detail than that but you’re going to have to wait for it to come out, because it’s just so much fun) and eeeeeeeeeeh!

(Also, seriously looking forward to Chimera coming out. It gets more and more fun every time I read it!)

And I’m currently pondering another.

It’s terrifying, exhilarating, and I am both feeling major Imposter Syndrome and absolutely loving it. I still don’t know who let me adult, though…

If anyone needs me this evening, I’ll be in my blanket fort.