Back On The Hard Stuff

I don’t like antidepressants… but they work. It does, however, mean I can’t drink.

*points at face* this is my unimpressed face.

[Take photo of unimpressed face and insert here]

No, they haven’t kicked in yet – this is me on nightmares. I think that’s what finally broke me; I was mulling over needing medication again because of six months of The Grey, but when I wake up feeling like I haven’t slept and I can’t get to sleep because my brain is being stupid?

No. One. Fucks. With. My. Sleep.

Including me.

So, back on the anti-depressants I go.

It’s a low dose of Fluoxetine, and I’m hoping to be on it for six months to a year; long enough to let everything settle, and to let my brain resume some semblance of normality. That said, I think my shortest time on it previously was a month because I hated what it was doing, so… but my longest was over a year, so I can actually cope with it too. It just depends on how bad everything else is, I think.

Snow White with animalsThe downside – and upside – is that medication makes me HAPPY. I sing. I dance. I bake. I once grumbled that if I ended up with small birds flying around helping a la Disney then I’d feed them to the cats! It makes me feel very shiny; very brittle and iridescent. It does take me a little while to acclimatise to the new channels; it’s the same emotions and feelings, but bumped up – so I’m still sad and tired and happy and thoughtful, but they’re all filtered through a new lense to put them that bit higher up the cheerfulness scale.

It’s a bit odd. But… it’s better than being swamped in grey and having everything dulled.

So! If I’m more spaced than usual, or not-quite-myself – or ridiculously happy, boppy, cheerful and singing – then please have patience. I personally don’t really like myself on drugs but hey, sometimes the cure is better than the disease…

Author: kate

Kate Coe is an editor, book reviewer and writer of fiction & fantasy. She writes the sparkpunk GreenSky series and blogs at writingandcoe.co.uk. When she's not working, she fills her spare time in between writing with web design, gaming, geeky cross-stitch and DIY (which may or may not involve destroying things). She also reads far fewer books that she would like to, but possibly more than she really has time for.