I had two weeks off. I slept (a bit), I read (a bit). I did chores. I got a walk in every day. I went for coffee with new people at the community centre (scary!) and helped clean radiators and got my foot sniffed by a cat. I took a bunch of stuff to the dump and to charity. I saw my work colleagues several times, which was wonderful and really helped with going back this week. I ate sushi and mochi. I picked up thirty-five pallets and got them back to the house and somehow got them round to the garden (they’re going to be a fence). I played computer games. I saw friends and had amazing afternoon tea. I definitely didn’t rest as much as I should have, but when do I ever?
I did break, and spent an entire day in bed, exhausted and aching and overwhelmed by the thought of getting up. I did spend quite a few hours on the sofa, curled up in blankets and trying not to think. I did have to frequently shout at weasels. But the hollow space inside me isn’t quite as large as it was previously, and I’ve got a few more spoons available. I’m not better, or well; but I’m better than I was.
I’ve got some book reviews to do; I’ve got some thoughts to write up. I’ve got things swirling around inside my brain that haven’t quite made it into Sensible Thoughts yet, but we’ll get there.
ALSO I’VE GOT BOOKS TO TELL YOU ABOUT. I BOUGHT BOOKS! (I’ll do a separate update, but they are all amazing and I can’t wait to squeak.)
And my person and I put pictures up on walls, so I now have six of my GreenSky covers lining the hallway at the flat. I cried when we put the first one up. It feels a little more like somewhere I can be, now.
It’s spring on Willow Walk; there’s snowdrops and streams and catkins, and one tiny crocus poking up by our garden gate. I’m back at work, picking up the pieces of my inbox and giving David donuts to say thank you. Picking up relationships. Picking up reading. Trying to figure out what’s important.
(Like whomping the boardgames group at Carcassonne on my first day back, because that’s definitely important.)
Right now, it’s just to keep stepping onwards and stepping forwards. I’m still on shaky ground, but I’m upright and balancing. I’ve got this. I can keep going.