I’m not really writing at the moment. I don’t have words. I’m feeling kinda bored with No Man’s Dawn and need to get some short stories finished, but…meh. I’ve done a few submissions and I’ve got some things due for the end of March, so I haven’t completely stopped. I’m just accepting that I don’t have inspiration right now, and focusing on other things instead of getting frustrated.
I have been reading a lot, but mostly old favourites – the Belgariad and Mallorean, The Scar, Tales From The White Hart, Pride & Prejudice, Discworld. It’s all I really want to cope with at the moment, and it’s like having a warm blanket; it’s comforting to sink into a world that I already know.
The house is coming along – we took the two layers of plasterboard off an old wall over the weekend and I’ve been skimming & painting walls. We’re using lime for a lot of the plasterwork because of the stonework, so that’s been a learning curve – it’s essentially plastering with sand! The snug looks whiter at least, even if I’ve still got a lot to do.
The anti-depressants have kicked in too – still dizzy, but I have energy! Yay! Not sleeping well, not eating great, struggling generally but doing better physically. I’m going from tired to ridiculously happy and full of energy, and it’s pissing me off – to quote Futurama, “Professor, we’re all sick of your new upbeat attitude.” But hey, better than crying all the time because life sucks.
I’m also in a blow-shit-up and give-no-fucks mood. I’ve noticed that I have less patience for politics amongst my friends; I think the loss of someone who I really enjoyed spending time with has made me less tolerant of spending time with people whose company I don’t enjoy. I haven’t burned any bridges yet but the dynamite’s handy, and it’s an oddly satisfying feeling. I think people need reminding sometimes that I have feelings…and the situation is also a release for a lot of the anger and frustration that I can’t get out anywhere else. But at the same time, anger’s not necessarily a good thing to use. I’m being patient and diplomatic at the moment, but it’s interesting watching myself deal with the emotions.
Anyhow. I am curling on sofas, being a cat cushion and taking leaps forward with the house. Step by step, I’m getting there.