I’ve got a friend watching over me at work now…
I still miss him. I talk to him every day – my commute takes me past the railway bridge, and I always say hello, or call him an idiot, or just smile. I write something I think he’d enjoy, or glance at my phone to see if I’ve got a message, or think of something I want to put in a game.
His favourite was Pinkie Pie, but I never entirely understood that, because he didn’t seem like a Pinkie Pie. He was either Twilight Sparkle, or more frequently – when he’d just drilled through a pipe, or tripped over nothing, or nearly dropped the tea, or done something stupid in-game – Derpy. And so it felt entirely fitting to have a small smiling Derpy sitting on my desk to remind me that my friend will always be around; it’s nice to have the memory just there. It’s also helping me when I think of him – it means I’m not dwelling on the memories, as I can just attach them to something and then move on. It’s been really hard recently, and I’ve hated having time alone to think (despite time with people being equally hard) so I’m hoping this will help.
I’m learning more about him too, which makes me miss him all the more – I wanted to discover the things with him, and have that beaming smile. He could shoot well, had his own airsoft pistol, and enjoyed doing it – something I wouldn’t have expected from the Ryan I knew. I can see facets of his personality in his interactions with others; his profile picture with his brother always makes me blink, because they’re both pulling faces – that was the Ryan I knew, but it’s just a reminder that I only knew a slice of him, and he relaxed so much with others, too.
I do also have another friend at work…he was left behind by one of my colleagues’ daughters, and so he’s been helping me with my anxiety days! He now has a post-it on saying “Free for bunny hugs” as I don’t want anyone to think he’s just mine. Everyone was incredibly chilled at the fact I was hugging a bunny for most of a day last week, which is brilliant. I think one of the major facets of making people in general more aware of mental health is just normalising the coping mechanisms. If I need to go for a walk or hug a bunny, then hey, that’s fine – and I really hope that’ll extend to anyone else in the office who needs the same thing for any reason.
And there’s the puppies, of course, who are always up for hugs – or pulling the head off a stuffed cow, whichever one seems more exciting. Both come with equal amounts of slobber!